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In case you didn’t know, the amount of detail required to fully submit your dissertation is a little overwhelming.  It’s as if they know that you’re at the end of your rope, about to annihilate everyone around you, and just when you think you’ve saved yourself from complete insanity, you get that final test…  on whether you know how to read (and follow) directions.

Did you ever do an exercise in grade school, where you’re given a piece of paper with all these designs with numbers on it (sort of a color-by-number type thing), and the teacher says,

“Alright.  This is a lesson in listening.  I will read ALL of the steps FIRST.  Then I will read them AGAIN and follow them.  The first time through, you are JUST LISTENING and NOT DOING ANYTHING.”

And then, the teacher reads through 30+ steps of instructions…

“1.  Color #5 blue.  2.  Color #17 green.  etc….”  the VERY LAST ONE of which says:

“Do not color anything with any color, starting from Step 1.”

And, of course, most of us zone out by the time the teacher reads to the end the first time around, and we  miss the all important last step…

The ONLY student in the entire class who got it right was the blind girl.

ANYWAY.  It’s sort of how I’m feeling about the ridiculous red tape of forms, surveys, formatting, and hoop jumping…  I’m trying to do all the right things and I just know at the end they’ll probably send me back to reprint my whole dissertation because I forgot to double space my abstract or some other ridiculous thing.  The Berkeley document for “Instructions for Preparing and Filing Your Thesis or Dissertation” is 34 pages long.  That’s almost exactly 1/3 the length of my dissertation.  Thanks for making me feel inadequate about the last six years of my life, Berkeley!

One of the more interesting (read: not mind-blowingly irritating, like making sure all of the page numbers on your dissertation are at least 3/4 of a inch away from the edge of the page) things we are required to do is complete an exit survey (called “Survey of Doctoral Students’ Opinion” which, I don’t know, just sounds ridiculously pompous for some reason)  Besides the usual demographics, they ask for some actual feedback.  One is to list the worst and best course you took, which I wish they asked as a undergrad.  I guess they really don’t want to know your opinion as an undergrad…  haha!

In any case, the set of questions that caught my attention were the following, under the category of “General University Experience”

“What was your best academic experience at UC Berkeley?”

“What was your worst academic experience at UC Berkeley?”

and

“If you could change one thing at Berkeley, what would it be?”

And I was blown away.  One multiple levels.  First, they have a lot of guts to ask such questions of tired and jaded grad students.  Second, they actually might care to know this sh*t?  For real?!   Third, what does it mean (or not mean) that I could not immediately formulate an answer for any of them?  And Fourth, it really blows that I had to answer each question in less than 75 words.

What to say?

but I truly do not understand how ‘white people’ (ok, ok, anyone know anyone who has grown up eating their grapefruit like this?!  I need a survey on the demographics of this population.)  eat grapefruit. And by ‘white people’ I mean anyone who cuts it crosswise and scoops out the flesh with a spoon. This is the image I have seen on TV growing up, at the breakfast buffet in hotels, etc…

I grew up in a grapefruit loving home (well, my dad loves grapefruit but my mom just kinda screws up her face and says it’s too bitter, and my dad and I would end up eating most of it) and we would always just peel the grapefruit like an orange, separate the slices, and then peel the thick skin off the individual slices with our hands. Definitely not as refined as eating a grapefruit with a nice spoon. But at least it doesn’t squirt you in the eye, leave lots of mashed up pulp, and a puddle of leftover juice. Plus, I think it feeds my OCD tendencies to make myself a nice pile of peeled grapefruit to savor. Yum.

Ryan says he doesn’t think he can take me out to a nice brunch anymore, since I don’t seem to want to eat my grapefruit in a civilized way. I say, if we’re busting out the big bucks for a nice brunch, I certainly won’t be wasting my precious stomach space on some grapefruit…

PS. Don’t tell me I need one of those pointy grapefruit spoons with the serrated edges. I need a set of those like I need another tokidoki bag.

I went to the gym last night during the VP debate, thinking I’d catch a nice chunk of it on the elliptical…  but forgot my earphones.  ARGH!!!!!  Instead, I watched Pitt pretty much whomp USF… since watching football doesn’t need sound.  Yay for football!

I did catch the tail end of the debate, but really, I think this about sums up Sarah Palin’s performance:

I’ve been having a trying week, for many reasons that I really don’t feel like getting into right now, but this morning I *really* needed some GOOD COFFEE.  I’ve tried every coffee serving establishment on the SFSU campus in the last two months, and I am sorry to say - they all kinda suck.  Cafe Rosso comes pretty close but… really?  That’s all you’ve got?

So, this morning Ryan recommended I just get something at Farley’s... *the* place to go in the good ol’ Po’ Hill area.  I’m a little wary of them, to be honest, because last time we went there Ryan ordered a decaf latte and it just tasted burnt.  (Supposedly it has to do with the decaf beans, or something, but who cares?  It shouldn’t taste burnt, I don’t care if the beans are ‘like that’ or not)

Anyway.  I thought I’d give them another try, as I was feeling a bit desperate for a good coffee.

I waited in line.

I ordered and paid.

I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And watched two people who ordered after me pick up their drinks.

At which point I finally went up to the counter and rather loudly asked when I was going to get my double latte.

At which point the cashier said, ohhhhhh someone else must have picked up yours, we had three double lattes in a row…  we have another one coming up though!

(No apology.)

Thankfully the second guy who stole my latte was still standing right there and gave me ‘his’ (my) double latte.

Let’s just say it took 15 minutes for me to get my latte.

I am NOT PLEASED.

The only saving grace this morning, after waiting 15 minutes for a latte, plus sitting in an extra 15 minutes of traffic coming to work (because of construction) ….

The latte is damn good.

Sigh.  It would be so much easier to hate on them if it wasn’t.

Regardless: This is strike two for Farley’s in my book.

Dear readers - what do you think?  Is waiting 15 minutes for a fantastic latte worth it?

I’m decidedly… undecided.

Yes, it’s time for another one of my infamous rants. Buckle yourselves in.

Back to hp.

They are one of the evil companies that sell you (or even give you - oh, how generous are they) cheap crap printers and then rip you off on the $50 ink cartridges.

I’ve been holding out on buying those ridiculously priced ink cartridges… but that meant I couldn’t print anything at home for the last 6 months, which is kind of a problem.

Enter Office Depot.

They entice you with their Office Depot brand ink… significantly cheaper than the official hp ink. I fell for it and bought them. (Note to self and all (5) of my readers: DON’T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) I knew things weren’t going to go well when I look at the contact portion of the color cartridge. Kinda crusty looking… hm… oh well. I load it into my printer. 5 seconds later: fatal error: color cartridge failed. #*$&@#(*!!

I take Office Depot on their ‘100% Satisfaction Guaranteed’ offer. I return the crap cartridges to the surly OD employee. I buy the real hp ones. I wanted to buy them from Staples or something, just to piss off OD by not giving them my $$ after all that, but I admit it, I was lazy. I just wanted my damn printer to work. I even sold my soul by selling my old empty cartridges back to OD for the $3 off/cartridge discount. (which they will use to make MORE crap OD ink cartridges… argh!!!)

Finally. I load the new, authentic hp ink cartridges into the printer. They work fine.

Then I try to hook the printer up to Ryan’s new fancy schmancy new double screen computer that he spent $$$$ on. I can’t figure it out. Ryan to the rescue. He goes to the hp website to download the driver for the printer… enters the printer model, selects the windows operating system, and then:

We are sorry to inform you that there will be no Windows Vista support available for your HP product. Therefore your product will not work with Windows Vista.

The majority of HP products not supported in Windows Vista are beyond seven years old.

If you are using the Windows Vista operating system on your computer, please consider upgrading to a newer HP product that is supported on Windows Vista. HP has numerous products on the market that support Windows Vista.

For more information on the different options, click the How to Buy link at the top of the page.

And Office Depot - you just plain suck at trying to make money off the cash cow that is printer ink…

I was referring to my doctoral dissertation as a thesis. Well, a kind friend (who also happens to be working on her dissertation) and this document from UC Berkeley has set me straight. And, according to wikipedia - which we all know is the absolute authority on everything (and anyone) worth mentioning:

At most [US] universities, dissertation is the term for the required submission for the

doctorate and thesis refers only to the master’s degree requirement.

Ha! Obviously the author of this wikipedia entry has a doctorate! Why are all the master’s students out there sweating bullets? It’s only a thesis.

Gotta love the social hierarchy of academia.

You have to admit though - ‘dissertation’ just sounds more important than ‘thesis.’ Plus, it’s a much longer word. 12 letters versus a measly 6. Twice as long - it must mean a dissertation is twice as snooty.

I guess we have to grasp at something after all these years… I mean, it’s taken me 6 times longer to get my phD than it took Ryan to get his masters - which, by the way, was a two year program he finished in one.

Damn overachiever.

I’m just not a big data analysis person. I hate statistics. I hate compiling and organizing data. I hate photoshop. I hate all of it.

You would think otherwise, due to my somewhat OCD personality. I think the problem stems from the fact that I just have SO MUCH data, and I’m not THAT organized, so the process of doing so is just overwhelming. Add to that my perfectionist tendencies, which don’t allow me to let anything by that I think looks ugly, or weird, or off, or just okay…

and you get a girl that who is going to be absolutely batty for the next month or two.

Watch out.

PS. I have a HUGE backlog of photos and other cuteness to post. I promise I will post it all someday. Maybe after July. If you still read this by then. Then again, I will probably need serious procrastination in the coming weeks, so maybe you’ll be hearing from me more than usual.

PPS. We need another two dozen or so glass beer bottles… brown or green, no twist off, rinsed (otherwise they tend to grow a bit of mold. ick)… extra points if you clean off the labels.. ha! Please send them our way if you have any. We are going to have TWO beers for your imbibing pleasure in a couple weeks… you know what that means…. DOUBLE the AWESOMENESS that is nanoBREW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stay tuned.

PPPS. How IS the thesis writing going you ask? Well, something a little too much like this…

but I think this is the only ‘Victorian’ home that we will ever be able to afford in SF (unless, for some reason, a million dollars just unexpectedly lands in our laps)

Sigh…

On a brighter note, I *finally* got my Yummy Breakfast keychains in…  yahooooooo!!!!   I’ll post more on them later!

Ah… well let me explain to you how this is possible in so many ways…

I posted recently about my cell phone dilemma. Well, I finally decided I would transfer my phone to Ryan’s parents’ family plan. They have an extra line that would cost me about $25/mo. I figured, at that price I’m willing to live with a cell phone. And deal with yet another cell phone company. I don’t know though, after today I am swinging back into the ‘All cell phone companies are nefariously evil, don’t give them your money’ camp. (I love the word ‘nefarious’. It should be used much more often.)

I decided this morning I would finally take care of this phone thing before work. My crap Verizon Razr is dying, and Ryan’s is pretty much dead, and it just needs to be done ASAP. How hard could it be? I just needed to go to the Sprint store and they could port my phone # over to the Sprint account, no problem. Ha! I should have known. I am always thinking these impossible things are possible. Impossible things like cell phone companies being competent. Impossible things like me being able to interact with customer service without getting sofa king pissed. (If you don’t get ’sofa king’ say it fast 5 times and you will get it.)

I get to the Sprint store right at 10AM when they open. There are already 6-7 people in line in front of me though, so I wait. I wait 30 minutes. They finally call my name. I explain I want to port my phone #. They say sure! No problem, what is the account #? I give said account #. This is where it starts getting dicey.

Retarded Sprint Dude (RSD): “Oh, I’m sorry, our computer system is down and we can’t access that account.

Me: “Hm… okay well then why didn’t you say that the system was down when I came in instead of making me wait 30 minutes?!”

RSD: “Oh, well, not ALL the computers are down, so we *might* have been able to access your account! BUT - you can call the Sprint customer service on the phone and they can help you!”

Me: “Wait, so I can do this over the phone and I didn’t have to come in the store?”

RSD: “You can do everything over the phone.”

Me: “So why did they tell my mother in law that I had to come into the store to do this??!!!”

RSD: (totally ignoring my question) “Well if you call them they can take care of you. Otherwise you have to wait four hours before our system in the store is back up.”

OK. Great. I just wasted 30 minutes waiting for someone to tell me (a) I didn’t have to come in at all, and (b) they can’t help me.

I call Sprint immediately (while still in the Sprint store):

Crappy Sprint CS (CSCS) : Hello, thank you for calling Sprint customer service. Our computer system is currently updating. Please call back in 2 hours and we will be able to help you.

Wow. Okay. Their computers are ‘updating’ eh? Yeah right.

I call Sprint back at 1PM.

CSCS: Hello welcome to Sprint Customer Service. How can I help you?

I explain what I need to do, give the account #.

CSCS: Please hold for a moment.

I hold for 5 minutes.

CSCS: Okay I can do that for you. Please hold.

I hold for 5 more minutes.

CSCS: Okay I need your Verizon account number and password to transfer your phone #.

Me: Crap, I don’t have the account number. Can I call you back?

CSCS: We can call you back in 5 minutes.

Me: Great!

I call Verizon and get the account number. I wait 15 minutes. No call back from Sprint. I call Sprint:

CSCS: Hello, thank you for calling Sprint customer service. Our computer system is currently updating. Please call back in 4 hours and we will be able to help you.

And that, my friends, is why I hate Sprint, and I don’t even have their service yet.

UPDATE (3/26/08):

After:

1 trip to the Sprint Store,

7 phone calls to Sprint Customer Service,

and 2+ hours of my time over 2 days…

I have (finally) successfully ported my phone number to Sprint.

Thank the Lord. (I am NOT being sarcastic.)

Okay, so curiosity and procrastination compelled me to click on a google ad in my gmail window… and… well just check it out: www.stemaid.com

Just to get you started, the very first statement they make on their welcome page is the following:

“Stemaid proposes safe, easy and effective Stem Cell Therapies for many conditions, in a perfectly legal environment.”

I dunnos about you, but it seems to me that if you need to justify the legality of your product… you might have a problem.

Ever wonder why the average person is freaked out by stem cells and cloning?! Because of crazy ‘companies’ like this!!!! Don’t believe me yet? Okay, okay, the stuff seems harmless right? The website looks relatively professional, and I’m just trying to figure out why it all just seems ‘off’… when I see this blurb about cloning:

“Almost six years ago, Rael, the well-known spiritual leader of the Raelian Movement, the world’s largest UFO-related organization numbering nearly 70,000 members in almost 100 countries, founded Clonaid, the first company offering to clone human beings. In this book he explains how todays cloning technology is the first step in the quest for eternal life… Click here to download this fascinating book free…”

What?! UFOs? Raelians? Apparently Stemaid has a sister ‘company’ Clonaid, check out their pdf entitled “Yes on Cloning” and the wikipedia entry.

I guess I just haven’t been in touch with how important UFOs are because I’m still finishing my phD…